After Aaron Rodgers referred to Travis Kelce as Mr. Pfizer, Kelce fired a return grenade at Rodgers, whose team is owned by a pharmaceutical magnate. Rodgers’ idea to resolve this once and for all was inviting Kelce onto his Pat McAfee Show home turf to debate the vaccine along with Robert Kennedy Jr. and Anthony Fauci.
Hopefully, it will be declined, although I’m wary because it’s not exactly clear if Kelce is in on the joke or not. I have no doubt that RFK Jr. would agree. He needs the airtime and McAfee’s audience is his desired demo. Fauci is retired though, so he’s not going to entertain their delusions of grandeur. But if Rodgers is lonely, bored, and just wants to argue, there’s a better way than having him spread misinformation. I compiled a shortlist of topics they can debate that will give the aggregators content and prevent the spread of the braindead gospel while keeping Rodgers and Kelce in the public eye as they crave.
Should they be cops or Mario and Luigi for Halloween?
Nothing embodies the fuzz more than the copstaches that Travis and Aaron have grown over their upper lips. Those things scream “Blue Lives Matter,” don’t they? Rodgers appears to be entering his angry captain phase, while I could see Kelce absconding with a brick from the evidence locker. It’s a wild 180 for Kelce, who perennially looked like the extra in a Drake video until he recently switched up on us. Back when we thought Rodgers was vaccinated and not alternatively immunized, he grew out his hair just to be a John Wick lookalike for Halloween, then at the beginning of his final Packers training camp, he did Con Air cosplay and now he’s spiritually handing out tickets in Reno.
On the other hand, the Mario and Luigi comps are hard to unsee once you notice them.
The stocky Kelce in Kansas City red and Princess (Swift) Peach accompanying the long, lean Rodgers donning dark Gangreen Jets overalls would kill at the Halloween party this year.
Football Movies
Sports movies vary in their quality, but their depiction of pro football can especially be a little cartoonish. Hearing those two pontificating about the inaccuracies in locker room scenes and how the sports are portrayed would be a better contribution to society than “doing research” on vaccines and bothering Anthony Fauci. I’m sure RFK might be elated, but I’d rather hear their expertise on the realism in Any Given Sunday, Draft Day, or a panoply of football action-packed flicks.
You could probably rope in Oliver Stone. There’s a 50-50 chance Stone starts dipping into the JFK stuff again, which would incite Rodgers, but that’s a risk I’d rather take. On the plus side, it’s better than them bringing on JFK’s nephew Robert Jr. to pull in that Kennedy sympathy vote.
Was Cobb still dreaming at the end of Inception?
Inception is one of those sci-fi Christopher Nolan concept films that faux intellectuals still love to misinterpret and dive deep on. So it stands to reason that a clash of uneducated opinions on it would be alluring for the audience. A segment in which they debate whether Leonardo DiCaprio was still stuck in a dream at the end, whether his spinning top ever fell, and then using that as the gateway to a convo about the nature of our reality, but it would distract them from the anti-vaccine spiel again. OK, maybe he wouldn’t acquiesce to keeping this convo from going off the deep end after all.
Whose dating CarFax is more impressive?
Apparently, there’s quite a bit of interest in the personal lives of pro athletes. Who knew?! These fellas have a lot of mileage on them. Kelce was the star of an entire dating reality show apparently and Taylor Swift has the highest individual star wattage this season, but Rodgers has the career numbers. Shailene Woodley, Danica Patrick, and Olivia Munn are an instantly recognizable trio kind of like the Ginobili-Parker-Duncan Spurs. At one time, Woodley was the next Jennifer Lawrence until the Divergent series’ momentum petered out with the rest of the young adult fiction pablum craze.
But the nod’s got to go to Swift because of her literal cult following. Now that Aaron Rodgers has entered his Randy Quaid years, he’s going to begin dating more off-the-beaten-path fringe celebrities. He also seems like he’s become the type to use phrases like Hollyweird, so his best days might be behind him, giving Kelce time to catch up.
Support for RBs
Not enough non-running backs have weighed in on the plight of their union compatriots. Kelce and Rodgers have large enough platforms and are major figures who could rally support. Of course, Kelce won’t even do that for his own tight ends, which is a vastly underpaid group, but maybe he’d be willing to do the same for a position group that’s even worse off. There’s a possibility that their voices could spark momentum on adjusting the franchise tag or some other change.
Follow DJ Dunson on X: @cerebralsportex
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