Non-working showers, tiny locker rooms, and having to play for Josh McDaniels: NFLPA releases team report cards

If the NFL Players Association’s annual team report card, which is voted on by the players from each franchise, is any indication, playing for Cincinnati Bengals’ owner Mike Brown is only a few steps divorced from suiting up for fictional Cleveland MLB owner Rachel Phelps — complete with non-working showers.

The report cards, which were released today, are “to improve the overall working conditions for our players, which includes the daily experience of players at the team facilities away from the lights and cameras,” according to the NFLPA.

Furthermore, the org says:

“1,300 of our players provided information to share with one another about their current club, to not only help them make important career decisions, but also help raise standards across the league.

Our goals were to highlight positive clubs, identify areas that could use improvement, and highlight best practices and standards.”

And while we rarely hear players speak out about where their team is falling woefully short in public, the NFLPA report card is complied anonymously, giving us a glimpse into what life is like for players when they aren’t on national television — at practice facilities during the week, in the locker room on game day, and even when they spend time with their families.

So who has it the worst in the NFL? Let’s take a look.

Kansas City Chiefs

If you’ve been paying attention to the news, you know that the Chiefs are planning on a full-scale renovation of Arrowhead Stadium — which can’t come soon enough as far as the players are concerned. Just today, KC debuted renderings of what the renovations would look like, and it’s hard to imagine the organization didn’t scramble to put these things out on the same day its players ranked their working conditions 31st in the NFL.

This section from the report card just about sums it up:

“Though the players received actual chairs with backs to sit in at their lockers in response to last year’s feedback, it did not change the fact that the locker room is overdue for a renovation. What adds to the frustration is that management told the players that renovations would come after the 2022 season. The players went on to win the Super Bowl and when they arrived back at their facility for the 2023-2024 season, they realized the team never followed through with the promised renovation (other than adding chairs).”

Kansas City won back-to-back Super Bowls and yet management never delivered on promises that players would get a decent locker room. The team also has major issues with its dietician, who reportedly is rarely present at the facility. She was bestowed the honor of the second-lowest rating in the league. Imagine having to go back to work tomorrow after knowing your efforts worth worthy of an “F” from your colleagues. The Chiefs players also feel that everything — from their locker room to the weight room to their training room — is too small, and that just about everything is understaffed.

It’s also worth noting that, on a Super Bowl-winning team where the word “dynasty” is being tossed around, “​​only 43% of players feel like they receive enough one-on-one treatment (32nd overall), the players feel that the training staff only slightly contribute to their success (the Chiefs trainers received the lowest score across the league in this category), and a number of players feel like the staff is not willing to provide support/treatment to all players.”

We will now hear from all the talking heads who blamed Taylor Swift for the Chiefs’ losses this season: (*crickets*).

Oh, and owner Clark Hunt received the lowest rating in the league — an F-.

Cincinnati Bengals

In Cincinnati’s locker room, “Approximately 50% of the showers don’t work; they either don’t provide warm water or there isn’t enough water pressure. They face consistent plumbing issues that limit the amount of functioning toilets the players can use.” And we may have finally gotten to the bottom of Joe Burrow’s struggles. Imagine playing an NFL game, heading to the locker room, and not even knowing if there will be enough working toilets for everyone. Also, Bengals players think the food in the cafeteria stinks, giving it an “F-” and ranking it 30th in the league in food taste and 31st in freshness. The issues with the food only seem to make the non-working toilets more of a problem, no?

The Bengals also only provide the players three meals a day on Wednesdays, whereas most teams do it throughout the week, and are the only team in the league that doesn’t employ a full-time dietician. The dietician the Bengals do have got an “F-.” Ouch.

Pittsburgh Steelers

For the Steelers, F is for family — as in an F- for the treatment of loved ones. Pittsburgh is one of only four teams in the league that doesn’t offer either a family room or daycare during games. The players also hate their locker room, rating it an “F” for being too tiny and for its lockers also being too small. Players also aren’t thrilled with the training room, which they rated a “D+” for not having enough trainers, physical therapists, or sauna space, meaning they, unlike most other NFL teams, don’t have a sauna. Steelers also think they are getting a bad deal on travel, and they gave owner Art Rooney an “F” for his “willingness to invest in the facilities.” No kidding.

New England Patriots

Patriots players aren’t crazy about the way the team treats their families. New England is one of seven teams that doesn’t provide daycare support for players’ kids on game day, and one of 12 teams that doesn’t provide a family room during games, which sounds pretty rough with small children in the middle of winter in New England. Players also really hate their weight room, which they rated an “F,” making the Pats the only team in the league with a majority of players who could find better workout facilities off-site. They also gave Bill Belichick a B-, saying he was rarely willing to listen to the locker room. If you know anything about Bill Belichick, that’s a great score! The fact Belichick was willing to listen to players at all is kind of shocking. Robert Kraft gets a “D+.”

Washington Commanders

This one seems like a no-brainer, but who would have thought the Chiefs would be kicking off this list? Still, if I gave you this line from the report: “When asked what the number one issue respondents want to prioritize for fixing, most players couldn’t come up with just one,” you would immediately know that statement was about the Commanders. Like The Highlander, there can be only one.

Surprise! Washington is one of those few teams that doesn’t provide a family room or daycare, which makes sense — Dan Snyder doesn’t exactly give off “family first” vibes. The cafeteria food is apparently a problem, but when you’re involved in all sorts of scandals, who has time to think about grub?

And the Commanders players, like many NFL pros playing in an older stadium, they feel the locker room is too small, too cramped, and in need of an upgrade. But here’s the money line: “Players also mention issues with cleanliness, citing multiple sewage leaks this season.” Uh, is that better or worse than non-working toilets? It feels worse, though I supposed it’s all a matter of preference. Would you rather not have a place to go at all or have raw sewage on the floor? Who is to say?

The Commanders also hate their training room, their training staff, and their travel arrangements, giving all three “Fs” across the board. They gave former head coach Ron Rivera a “C,” saying he was somewhat willing to listen to the locker room, and new club owner Josh Harris a solid “B.” That’s something!

Anyone who plays for Josh McDaniels

The Raiders’ players seem relatively happy with their working conditions, rating their team ninth overall. But whereas most other teams gave their coaches nothing lower than a “B-” — with the exception of the Commanders, who gave Ron Rivera a “C” — Las Vegas players gave former head coach Josh McDaniels a big, fat “D,” — the lowest score in the league. They said that McDaniels wasted their time and ranked him “least likely to listen to his locker room of any NFL head coach.” We love to see it.